


Remembrance

by Unceasing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 00:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unceasing/pseuds/Unceasing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and something is MISSING.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembrance

It feels like something is off when you take a sip of coffee. For a second you think they’ve gotten your order wrong, but something deep in your gut tells you that is not the case. So you look around the small café, hoping an answer is written on one of the walls and sigh.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and something is MISSING.

You don’t know what it is, but it’s a dull throbbing void that lingers in your chest each time you - ha ha - breath. You can’t even explain why that’s funny to you! There are a lot of things you can’t explain. Like why you’re taking a psychology course when you were never interested in the subject in the first place. But you haven’t dropped out. You think you’re waiting to find something, maybe, and for all you know it could be the gift of knowledge. You do keep a special eye out for the class though. You can’t escape the feeling that someone is missing.

When Vriska pulls a chair up to your table, you smile at her. She’s been your girlfriend since you met her your junior year, and you think she’s amazing. But when she smiles back at you, you can’t help but notice that it’s wrong. It’s too malicious, to sharp around the edges and too powerful. You think it’s supposed to be softer than that, even if it were to keep the sharpness. But it would be like cutting a pillow, rather than cutting a body.

You don’t know why you’re comparing her to someone you’ve never even met. Maybe you’ve just set your sights too high? And that’s not fair to her. You love her. Vriska might be the one...

So why does that make that hollow feeling in your heart grow larger?

* * *

Your dreams are filled with things that you don’t understand. All of your friends are there, and even some that you don’t even know. In that useless psychology class you’re taking, they taught you that people that you see in your dreams are constructed from faces you see in your daily life that you sometimes don’t remember. Sometimes they even mash them up with other faces, but they are never made out of nowhere, because the brain is unable to construct a face completely from _scratch._

You don’t know where you could have seen these people before, because you’d think you’d remember them by now if you saw them in passing. These dreams were recurring. And it kind of made you laugh -- most of them were gray-skinned and had _horns_ of all things!

Even Vriska! You’d never told her about the dreams because you were never sure what she would say about them. Probably some smartassed comment about he might finally be losing it, and that he’s retarded.

And then she’d ask if her horns were cool, because she’s just that kind of person. (For the record, they totally were.)

But while there were a lot of horned people, there were three other normal people too. Dave was in his dreams for some reason, but then there were two girls that he swears he’s never looked upon in his life. One had long, black hair while the other one had short, blonde hair, and the two couldn’t be more different. When he’s with them, for some reason he feels complete, like everything is how it’s supposed to be.

John sleeps a lot because he likes to dream. It reminds him a lot of how someone else would act, even though he doesn’t know who he’s remembering.

* * *

“Okay, seriously Egbert, what the fuck is up with you lately? You’ve been ditching us all every time we make plans to hang out and let ME tell YOU -- spending time alone with that idiot Dave is NOT how I like to spend my day. The only reason I put up with his annoying stupid ass is because of you, and -- Hey, are you even listening to me?!" 

Karkat’s standing in front of you as you lean back against the wall of the school at lunch, and to be honest, you weren’t paying much attention. His words just seem...wrong. Like there’s supposed to be something else in them, like he should be saying something else.

You have to wonder why nearly all of your friends feel like a shadow of their former selves.

“I...yeah, I’m listening. Sorry Karkat, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Karkat scoffs at you, and all you can do is offer up a small smile. But when he frowns at you, or frowns even _more_ at you, you know you haven’t really fooled him. He’s loud and he’s abrasive but in the end he really cares about his friends.

“Like fucking what?”

...Though he never has been very good with communicating his concern.

You’ve thought about asking Karkat plenty of times about your dreams, like maybe he’s having them too. They just seems so real, and you spend so much time with him in them...

But when you think about that, you remember a lot of blood. You remember holding him in your arms, his blood staining your blue shirt, and you remember splatters of the whole color spectrum staining the ground. They were talking about some sort of ‘scratch,’ that they had to go, but everyone was dying...

“I...Do you dream?”

“What the hell kind of question is that? I might not sleep all that often, but I do dream.”

You frown. It’s no secret that Karkat is an extreme insomniac, but it bothers you when he mentions it. You wish he’d take better care of himself this time around.

...this time around. heh. Whatever that means. Sometimes you’ll just think things without noticing it, and it won’t make any sense. It’s something that you’ve had to get used to.

“Yeah, I know, but...have you ever dreamed about a game? Like...with me and Dave, and Vriska, and Terezi and Gamzee and Fef and Eriden?”

Karkat gives you this look that you can’t quite figure out, and you’re waiting for him to laugh at you and tell you that you’re delusional and you need to get your head back in the game. You’re waiting for him to roll his eyes and tell you that you’re stupid for asking him such a thing and wasting his time.

But instead he turns his eyes to the ground, and mutters, “It feels like people are missing, doesn’t it. There should be sixteen of us in total. Not just seven.”

And your eyes go wide, because Karkat realizes it too. Your group is too small. There _are_ people missing, you aren’t delusional, this is real --

“You’re missing someone too, aren’t you?” you ask, and when Karkat looks up at you, he seems a million times more tired, but he’s also smiling. It’s the same smile you give Vriska sometimes when you see her smile. When you realize she’s got the wrong pair of eyes, the wrong hair color. The wrong touch.

“Yeah. I’m missing someone too.”

* * *

“Vriska, I think we need to break up.”

When you say that, her pencil immediately stops moving across the paper. The two of you are sitting in the dining room of your house at the table, and you were doing homework. But this had been eating at you for so long that you couldn’t take it anymore, you had to tell her.

You couldn’t keep dating a shadow when you knew the real thing now had to be real.

“Ex _cuse me?_ You’re breaking up with _me._ Did I hear that correctly.”

And she’s mad. Somehow you didn’t think this would happen...

“Uh, well, yeah, there’s just this other girl and-”

“And you’re breaking up with me flat out for another damn _girl?!”_

Bad phrasing, horrible phrasing, damn it why are you such an idiot! She’s already risen herself from her seat and is glaring at you, which is actually pretty terrifying. You think it’d be more terrifying she still had that eightfold-vision in her left eye like she does in your dream.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I mean, uh, I have to find the girl I’m looking for and well, things just, um, wouldn’t work out now that I know she exists somewhere and uh, jeez, I don’t know what to say-”

“Oh shut up John! Stop blubbering like an absolute _idiot!_ Ugh! You and Tavros are just the same sometimes in the sense that you can’t get your damn words out and I’m sick of it! Neither of you can stay with me, you always have to do stupid shit to ruin it in the end!”

“Who’s Tavros?”

Vriska goes to open her mouth like she’s going to scream out a response, but no words come out. She furrows her brow and clenches her jaw, but eventually just slams her fist against the table and slides back down in her chair. She’s resting her hand on her forehead like she has a headache with a scowl on her face that could rival Karkat’s, and you wonder if this is all your fault.

It probably is.

“He’s no one. Just some stupid kid who I must have known when I was a child.”

You don’t know why, but you feel like she’s lying when she says that because all of a sudden you’re sent a picture of a boy in a wheelchair with these large bull horns, and that same boy’s head is decapitated from his body.

You take a deep breath and swallow down a bout of sick that had risen in your throat.

“H-Hey, uh...he wasn’t in a wheelchair, was he?”

You start out with that, because anything else would have sounded too suspicious. And you didn’t think you wanted to tell her everything yet, you had to see if you were even speaking about the same person and if you weren’t being completely delusional.

Vriska turns back up to you, frowning, but it’s a different type of frown that shows she’s confused, not mad, and a little bit suspicious. “Yeah...but there’s no way you could have known that.”

She’s testing you like you’re testing her, and you’re both drawing your information from the same place.

“But I do! Hey, by chance do you know his last name?”

You can’t even remember the first names of the people you see. They’re just nameless beings that pull at your heartstrings when you sleep. When they talk, it’s like their names are scratched out of your mind -- omitted from your memory. But you had been okay with that.

But that had been before you knew this was real, it had to be, because Karkat and Vriska were all dreaming of them too, and there was no way that this was a coincidence.

“Why the hell would that ma-”

“Please, if you remember, just tell me! There’s a chance we could track them down that way!”

And she’s silent. You can’t tell if she’s going to sass you or walk out or laugh or something, because she’s not usually this quiet. And usually when she’s dealing with something that she doesn’t want to, she brushes it off with a laugh and pretends that it never happened and you’re not sure if she’s going to do that here, when you’re so close-

“Nitram.”

And now you know where to start.

* * *

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering twinArmageddon [TA] 

[EB] hey sollux!

[EB] can you do me a huge favor?

[TA] that depend2 on what iit ii2.

[TA] iif you are a2kiing for a way two get back at kk agaiin, iim afraiid ii cant help you.

[TA] iim pretty 2ure he miight legiit kiill me iif ii cra2h another one of hii2 computer2.

[TA] hehe.

[TA] even iif he ii2 the iidiiot who ran the program2 iin the fiir2t place.

[EB] ha ha no way, even if that was completely hilarious!

[EB] we really are going to have to do something like that again though.

[EB] my prankster gambit went through the ROOF from that!

[TA] totally.

[TA] 2o iif iit2 not me22iing wiith kk you need help wiith, what ii2 iit?

[EB] i need you to look someone up for me.

[EB] you can do something like that right?

[TA] 2sure, but who are you looking up and why?

[EB] just...something personal?

[TA] not goiing two fly egbert.

[TA] iif you want my help then youre goiing two have two giive me the full 2tory.

[EB] well...

[EB] so basically me vriska and karkat are all having the same dreams about these people that we’ve never actually met.

[EB] and vriska remembered the names of one of those people, so now I want to see if we can actually track them down in hopes of maybe finding out the others!

[TA] let me get thii2 2traiight.

[TA] you are ba2iing all of thii2 on a dream.

[EB] well it sounds weird when you put it THAT way...

[EB] but pretty much.

[EB] and to be fair, it is a dream that all three of us have shared!

[TA] what i2 makiing you take actiion iin the fiir2t place though?

[TA] at the end of the day, a dream i2 ju2t a dream.

[EB] i know, i know.

[EB] but hear me out!

[EB] for as long as i can remember, it has always felt as though something has is missing.

[EB] but with these people that always pop up when i sleep, i feel...like that void is gone, or something.

[EB] i feel like these are people that should be in my life, and so far they’ve just been...

[TA] mii22iing.

[EB] exactly!

[TA] let me gue22.

[TA] your dream2 con2i2t of a bizarre race of horned gray-people called troll2.

[TA] and they all 2at down and played a 2tupiidly dii2tructiive game called 2GRUB.

[TA] and all but two human2 diied horriibly.

[EB] i never got to really see who lived and who died...

[EB] you did?

[TA] clear a2 fuckiing day.

[EB] oh...

[TA] 2o let2 ju2t 2ay that ii beliieve iin your liittle 2tory.

[TA] who2e name am ii lookiing up?

[EB] uhm...tavros nitram.

[EB] oh god i hope that’s how you even spell it!

[TA] giive me a miinute to 2ee what i can diig up.

[EB] okay!

[EB] ...

[EB] waiiiiiiiiting...

[EB] huff.

[EB] oh i was walking in a meadow and found a piece of paper

[EB] i picked it up and read it, and this was what it it said

[EB] oh i was walking in a meadow...

[TA] you have liiterally no patiience, do you.

[EB] ha ha, not much!

[EB] so that was sort of quick, i think.

[EB] did you find anything?

[TA] tavros niitram, age 19, male, currently working at the Mcdonalds on 9th street, and attending Outwardbound University.

[TA] ill be fuckiing damned.

[EB] wow that’s our rival college!

[EB] and 9th street isn’t too far away either!

[EB] holy shit dude these people exist!

[TA] holy 2hiit iindeed.

[TA] the real que2tiion ii2 iif they even know we exii2t.

[EB] true...

[EB] small victories though.

[EB] thanks so much sollux!

[EB] i’m going to go tell vriska the good news.

[TA] no problem.

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering twinArmageddon [TA]

 

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

[EB] vriska!

[EB] guess what!

[AG] Oh, hey john!

[AG] This 8etter 8e good, I was a8out to go to sleep.

[EB] it’s better than better!

[EB] it’s like it better became a superhero!

[EB] and then saved the world from like, an oncoming meteor or something!

[AG] Well then spit it out already, would ya?

[AG] Don’t leave me hanging in suspense for all of eternity like a chump.

[AG] That would 8e very cruel and ungentlemanly of you. ::::)

[EB] oh right.

[EB] so i asked sollux if he would look up this tavros person just to, yknow, see if we were all crazy or something.

[EB] and as it turns out, he’s actually a real person and everything!

[AG] Really??

[EB] yeah!

[EB] he attends our rival school and actually doesn’t work too far away from where we live.

[EB] so do you think that you would want to actually go see him tomorrow?

[AG] I don’t know, what if he doesn’t even know who I am?

[AG] I could make a complete fool of myself!

[AG] We ARE talking about dream people after all, John.

[EB] that’s true, but said dream people also happen to actually exist.

[EB] come on vriska.

[EB] you know that if you don’t do this, you’ll have to sit and wonder for the rest of your life.

[AG] Screw it, you’re right.

[AG] What time are we going to go meet him?

[EB] half an hour after school, since his shift ends around the same time.

[AG] Sounds gr8!

[AG] I’ll TRY not to scare the pants off of this poor kid.

[EB] ha ha, good idea.

[EB] first impressions and all that.

[AG] Yeah, but I really hope he already has some idea about who I am, you know?

[EB] yeah, i do.

[AG] Anyway, I’m heading off to sleep, and you should do the same.

[AG] Goodnight John! ::::)

[EB] night vriska!

arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

* * *

Truth be told, the way they were acting made it look like they were stalkers or something. 

Sollux had showed Vriska and you a picture of what Tavros looked like, just to make sure, and they’d seen him at work. But they hadn’t wanted to just go up and start speaking to him right there, since he _was_ still on shift and all. So they’d decided that they were going to wait until he went on break.

Which they hoped wouldn’t be too much longer, since it felt like they’d been waiting forever...and it’s not like Mcdonald’s had much in the way of entertainment. For a while they’d entertained themselves by watching the little kids run back and fourth screaming and crying from the play-pin thing, but once someone made the comment of, “ _are you guys seeing what kids are like before you have one of your own?”_ the task was instantly abandoned.

Though you had to admit the look on Vriska’s face was priceless.

But when you see the kid taking off his headset and moving for the back door, the two of you are out of your seats and rushing out the front in order to catch him before he gets in his car -- then you’d _never_ find him!

Lucky you, he’s only making his way into the parking lot when you spot him--though you probably look insane with the way you rush at him, screaming at him to stop. Which he does. And look at you both like you’re crazy killers that have come to kill him.

“I, uh, can i help you?” He stutters out, tensing as he looks at the two of you nervously. You shoot a look at Vriska who’s eyeing Tavros carefully, like she’s evaluating him. Heck, maybe she is.

Wasn’t this kid supposed to be in a wheelchair?

“Yeah,” Vriska speaks up, clearing her throat. Typical badassness is back in her stance, and you can’t help but smile a little bit. “Are you Tavros Nitram?”

Total rhetorical question. We wouldn’t have been sitting in a Mcdonalds for so long if there were any doubt.

“Well...yes but, who are you?”

“Vriska Serket. Over there is John Egbert. Names sound familiar?”

You notice how she doesn’t hesitate to get to the point, and when Tavros looks at you, you wave a bit and smile. Moment of truth here of if he actually recalls them or not -- because if he doesn’t, it blows everything out of the water.

Any hope in finding the blonde girl from your dreams will be lost if this kid doesn’t prove that he knows who they are -- at the very least, who Vriska is.

Tavros fidgets a bit, and his brown eyes look to the ground for a moment before they’re locked back on Vriska, and this time with a different look that you can’t seem to be able to read. You glance at your friend and you can see that she’s holding her breath, like you would be. You turn back to Tavros when he starts to speak.

“I, uh, well, you see...I think, maybe I know who you are. But I had a dream, once, or many times actually, where you killed me and-”

Tavros doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Vriska runs forward and _hugs_ him, and your eyes widen. She’s never been one to do things like that, but then again, you guess this isn’t exactly a normal situation. Tavros looks absolutely confused, but when Vriska murmurs something in his ear, he smiles and carefully hugs her back.

* * *

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG 

[EB] hey so.

[EB] we’re sitting here with tavros and he said he’s willing to answer any questions that we have about these other people.

[EB] and I know that you said that there was someone you were missing.

[EB] do you have a name?

[CG] IF I HAD A NAME, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ALREADY, OR AT THE VERY LEAST I WOULD HAVE DONE MY OWN SEARCHES IN HOPE THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO LOCATE HER ILLUSIVE ASS.

[EB] okay fair enough...

[EB] do you know anything about her?

[CG] YEAH.

[CG] I KNOW THAT SHE’S A FUCKING NUTCASE COLOR-SNIFFER, AND THAT SHE’S BLIND.

[CG] YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN HER, SHE’S THIS BATSHIT-INSANE LAW FANATIC WHO WEARS A PAIR OF POINY RED CLASSES THAT HID HER RED EYES THAT WERE BURNED FROM YOUR BITCHY FRIEND MIND CONTROLLING HER TO LOOK AT THE TROLLIAN SUN.

[CG] WICH WAS APPARENTLY REALLY BRIGHT, AND WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT IT.

[CG] GOD DAMN THIS WHOLE THING SOUNDS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INSANE DOESN’T IT.

[CG] HOLY SHIT, ARE YOU SURE I HAVEN’T GONE MAD AND THAT I DON’T NEED TO CHECK MYSELF INTO THE NEAREST MENTAL INSTITUTION TO GET MYSELF EVALUATED?

[EB] well i wouldn’t suggest sharing this with anyone else, they might actually think that as being an actual option!

[EB] but that sounds good.

[EB] anything else?

[CG] NOPE.

[CG] WAIT.

[CG] YES.

[CG] SOLLUX AND I HAD A CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT ABOUT THIS, AND I FOUND OUT THAT THERE’S SOME STUPID GIRL THAT HE’S BEEN ON THE LOOKOUT FOR AS WELL, AND HE FOUND OUT THAT SHE MIGHT POSSIBLY GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS THIS TAVROS KID.

[CG] MIND ASKING HIM ABOUT HER?

[CG] MY FRIEND IS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN PUSSY TO ASK YOU YOURSELF OR DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, SINCE HE THINKS SHE WOULDN’T EVEN WANT TO EVER SEE HIS SORRY AS TO BEGIN WITH FOR SOME REASON.

[EB] aww man, he needs to stop thinking like that!

[EB] but sure, what’s her name?

[CG] ARADIA.

[CG] I DON’T KNOW HER LAST NAME, THOUGH.

[EB] alright, i’ll ask!

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

* * *

You gave Tavros a description of the girl that Karkat was looking for, and to your surprise he laughed and told you that he knew who you were taking about. A blind synesthesia girl named Terezi Pyrope. You ask if he thought she’d want to meet up with Karkat, and he says that she’d probably love that. Said that she always complained about a color being missing from the world. 

You felt a little alone sitting there, watching Vriska and Tavros talk. It was like they were old friends, or something. Occasionally you would be brought into the conversation, but you weren’t on the same level as they were. You don’t know what sort of things happened between them in that dream world, but it sure brought them close.

You’re happy for them, but you can’t help but feel a little sad. You’d asked him if he knew any blonde girls, and he just stared at you for a moment before shaking his head. You don’t know why he looked a little sad.

It isn’t long before you excuse yourself and take your leave. Vriska gets up to go with you, but you tell her that she should stay. She thinks about it, but agrees and dives right back into a conversation with Tavros.

It’s funny, the things they speak about. It’s littered with details about high school and college and made-up games and killing. Fantasy meets reality, except it was all probably real at some point.

When you get outside you dial Dave’s number, tell him to come pick you up, and he’s telling you he’ll be over in five minute.

Five minutes on the dot his old pick-up is pulling up the side of the establishment, and you have to wonder how he’s always so good with his time. But you get in, shut the door, and for the first time since you left home, _breath._

“Dave,” you ask, leaning back in the passenger seat chair. “Will you come with me tomorrow? I’m taking Karkat to meet a girl.”

Throwing the car in reverse, Dave’s eyes never leave the road as he asks, “Seriously? Karkat’s meeting a girl? What’s her name?”

You give a small laugh, because he’s probably thinking it’s someone form Alternia University. “Terezi Pyrope. You wouldn’t kno-hey, Dave!”

You’re shouting because of the way Dave slams on the breaks in the middle of the parking lot, and there’s even a loud honk behind him from the car that was going to follow him. You stare at him, wide-eyed, and you notice him staring back at you with his eyebrows raised wide over his glasses.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together.

“Let me guess,” you say, calming down as you stare out the window beside you. “You knew Terezi, too?”

“She’s from a dream, holy shit how is this happening.”

You sigh. “Because apparently it was more than a dream. I’m guessing every one of our friends knew, mostly. But uh...if you knew, then do you know who those two human girls were that always showed up?”

Dave sighs, and leans back in his chair as well as he taps on the steering wheel. Cool facade is back on in an instance. “Yeah. Jade and Rose. Jade’s the girl with the black hair, and Rose is the one with the blonde. Heh. Harley was my babe, and Rose was supposed to be yours...Man, that sounds so crazy to actually say out loud. Say, do you think that...”

You tune him out.

Tonight you’re going to dream of violet eyes.

* * *

“ _Karkat, you’re dying..”_

_“N..No shit, dumbass.”_

_No. Nonononono, this wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t your plan, how could one of your best friends be lying here in a puddle of their own blood? Fuck!_

_“No, okay. We need to get you over to the transportalizer -- it’ll send us to our new session. Karkat? Karkat, listen to me everyone other than Rose and us has made it over, you just need to made it that far--”_

_“Just get Lalonde and go then! Fuck, if..If I’m supposed to die here, then -”_

_“No! You’re not going to lose after coming this far! Come one -- Rose, can you occupy Jack for a little bit longer?”_

_You look up, and you see her dancing in air with Jack as her partner. Her God Tier cloths are ripped and torn, but when she looks down at you, she smiles like everything is going to be okay._

_Maybe everything is. You have to believe that. It’s the only thing that’s keeping you together._

_So you loop Karkat’s left arm over your shoulder and slide your right arm around his waist, and hike him up to his feet the best you can while minding his injuries. Though as careful as you were, you apparently didn’t do to well because you feel Karkat tensing up in your grip and his breath catch his his throat as his legs lock below him. You see him lean forward and choke/cough out a glob of electric red fluid, and you wince. He’s panting now, but at least he’s breathing._

_You slowly make your trek to the transportalizer that seems just too far away. You make the mistake of looking up at rose, and you nearly faulter as you see her get knicked in the arm by Jack’s sword. But you don’t, because just as he hit her, she’s sending a blast of magic at him from her needles, and he grins. People tended to think that, after her ascension, all she could be used for was her visions._

_They’d forgotten all the fighting they’d done just to get to that level. Her included. Mostly her._

_Before you know it, you’re at the small metal plate, and it seems not a moment sooner. You’d practically had to drag Karkat across the floor, but you’re there. You’re there and he’ll be okay._

_“Hey,” you say, adjusting your grip on him. “We’re here, okay? I’m going to send you through.”_

_Karkat grunts, and you see him forcing his eyes open to look at you as you start to lean him over the metal pad. You feel his grip on your arm tighten, and you meet his eyes._

_“...Make it back.”_

_You nod briskly and set him onto the pad, and in an instant there’s a stab of white light, and he’s gone._

_Thank god._

_You turn your gaze up to Rose again, and this time fly up behind her. You summon a strong gust in front of her to blow Jack a few paces away from her, and she speaks without turning to you._

_Smart. Heh. Had it been you, you’d probably had stupidly turned your back to Jack just to talk to her._

_“So,” She says, tiredness weighing in her voice as she prepares her stance yet again. “We’re the only ones left, I assume. Everyone else has made it safely across the rift.”_

_“Right,” you say, because you’re not sure what else there is to be said at this point. They’re are the only ones left. Which poses a bigger problem then you want to think about._

_One of them has been needed to distract Jack this whole time. The moment someone stops occupying him, he goes to try and destroy the transportalizer. They can’t even let him get too close to it, and neither of them would be able to beat him to it if he portled away._

_They’d always had two people, one keeping him occupied in the air, and the other on the ground. Karkat had been taken by Jack by surprise, and it was only by some miracle that he’d survived to get through..._

_“Only one of us is going to be able to get through the rift.”_

_Rose’s voice bothers you, because it sounds like she has already given into her fate, and you don’t want to think about that. You’ll get her through if it’s the last thing you do. If for no other reason that, logically, you’re the one who has more stamina, and you’d be able to hold him off. As strong as Rose is, she’s been going solo against jack. She’s reaching her breaking point, and needs to go though._

_You will not abandon her._

_“And that’s going to be you, Rose! Look, I have more strength than you, and I can completely keep up with him! You need to be the one to get out of here! With my wind attribute, I should be able to make it to the device before he gets a chance to-”_

_Your words are cut off as Jack throws himself at you, and Rose lets herself drop in the air as you summon your hammer, throwing it straight into Jack. He of course parries with his sword, but you’ve laced it with fast-cycling wind, causing it to spread out and slice up and down the hand clutching his weapon._

_The truth is, Rose is better suited for fighting Jack than you are. You’re weapon is a lot more heavy than hers, and Jack requires fast movements rather than heavy shots. You and Jade were the least equip to fight him out of the four of you -- Jade’s guns might have been fast, but she had to have steady footing to fire, which meant staying still. That was why Dave had fought instead of her, seeing as a sword was a lot easier to swing._

_But you had to find a way to get Rose through the portal. You had to.._

_“John, you might have more strength, but it would be unwise for you to take him straight on when it comes to protecting. You might be able to match his speed, but the time it takes to swing, you won’t be able to land a useful attack. A hammer is too bulky. My needles will do just fine, and that’s that. You will get into that portal, and I will hold Jack off. Is that understood? This is my professional opinion, and both my personal one. ...But mostly professional.”_

_You look down, and catch a ghost of a smile pass over Rose’s lips. She knew all of this. Of course she did._

_But what you see in her eyes is the same thing you felt when she proposed that her and Dave dispose of the tumor. That willingness.._

_To die._

_You don’t say anything more. You put your hammer back in your captchalogue, and settle for just using your element. It’s a lot faster, and if anything, allows for quicker movement._

_You have no choice but to continue this dance with Jack, while you try and figure out what to do. It’s a mixture of dodges and occasional shots and plenty of close calls, and you’ve had to use the breeze from a distance plenty of times to keep Jack from attacking the transportalizer, and allowing Rose time to shoot at him._

_But all you were doing were tiring yourselves down, and you needed a plan. Because you could not do this forever._

_And as you both stand in front of the portal, your saving grace, you stare at each other and you stare at Jack._

_And then Rose shoots a shot of her magic at your feet and you do the first thing your body instructs you to, and that’s back up._

_Into the transportalizer._

_And you see Jack stab her_

_And you see violet mix with red -_

And you wake up covered in sweat, body shaking, with Rose’s name on your lips.

* * *

You don’t tell anyone about your dream.

You accompany Karkat and Dave to meet Terezi. It’s bizarre, but only because that’s the one word that could accurately describe Terezi Pyrope. Bizarre.

She starts out by sniffing the air and proclaiming, quiet bluntly, ‘ _I smell candy red...and it smells delicious! I want to lick it!’_ and walked right up to Karkat and started sniffing his neck.

But for some reason, Karkat didn’t move or even act more than a little surprised...and creeped out. Like he had already expected it to happen, and hell, maybe he had. Given how much creepy dream shit they were all going through, maybe this was normal for her.

He looked the most surprised when she wrapped her arms around him and told him that she’s glad he’s back.

But the sentiments didn’t last long, because apparently sentimentality was not for Terezi Pyrope, so the next moment she was turning towards Dave while saying she smells cool-kid’s eyes. Dave, unlike Karkat, looked a little bit weirded out and asked you if you thought she that she would try and lick his eyes.

You just gave a small laugh and shrugged.

You can’t shake your dream from your head, so you pull aside Terezi and ask about Rose. You expect her to grin like she has been and tell you that she has no idea, but she doesn’t. So actually frowns a little bit and gives you a pesterchum handle, and tells you to ask this person about your ‘matesprite.’

You both go back to the group and you pretend like everything is alright, and you all spend the day together.

You pretend like everything is alright, and pretend that there isn’t some sinking feeling in your gut replacing that empty one that used to pull at you.

* * *

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

[EB] umm hello??

[GA] I Am Going To Assume That You Are The One That Terezi Told Me About Earlier

[GA] The One Who Goes By The Name John

[EB] yeah, that would be me!

[EB] so uh, you are...?

[GA] Kanaya

[GA] Kanaya Maryam

[GA] It Is A Pleasure To Meet Your Acquaintance, John Egbert

[GA] Even Though I Wish It Could Have Been Under More Desirable Circumstances

[EB] nice to meet you too.

[EB] so terezi told me that you knew something about rose, is that true?

[EB] everyone else i talk to acts like they’ve never met her before!

[EB] except for mostly dave and terezi.

[GA] Yes, That Is To Be Expected

[GA] Though It Is Not As Though We Do Not Know Who She Is

[GA] Rather We Try Not To Exactly Think About Her As Much Now

[GA] It Is A Sour Subject

[EB] wait...why would you say that?

[EB] did something happen to her?

[GA] I Suppose One Could Say That

[GA] I Should Start By Saying That, Unlike Your Group Of Friends, We Were All Instantly Aware That The Events In Our Dreams Were In Fact Things That Had Actually Transpired

[GA] Us Coming Together Was Completely Intentional, Unlike You All Who Were Guided To Each Other By Fate, Or Perhaps Some Lingering Sentiments To One Another

[GA] We Suspect That It Is Because We Were The First Six To Enter Into This Reality

[GA] You Do Understand What I Am Saying So Far Correct

[EB] yeah i do.

[EB] though had you asked me before last night, i would have been completely confused about all of this.

[EB] but if you know all of this, about the transportalizer, then...

[EB] did rose even make it through?

[GA] I Truly Wonder About That

[EB] what, you mean you don’t know?

[GA] I Think That The Circumstances Of Her Arrival Must Have Been A Bit Different Than The Rest Of Us

[EB] why do you say that?

[EB] man you are really cryptic in the way you say things!

[GA] As I Have Been Told...

[EB] you said that you wondered if she made it through, but then you said that the circumstances of her arrival must have been different.

[EB] that would mean that she actually did make it through, right?

[GA] Technically Yes

[EB] then what’s so special that’s making everyone walk around the subject as if she’s already died?

[EB] i mean, can i see her?

[GA] ...I Suppose That There Would Be No Harm In Letting You See Her

[GA] Just Know That It Probably Will Not Go The Same Way As It Has Been With Everyone Else

[EB] as long as i can see her and know that she is alive will be good enough!

[GA] As You Say

[GA] By The Way

[GA] Please Inform Sollux That Aradia Would Be Quite Pleased To See Him Again, And She Would Love It If They Could Maybe Meet Tomorrow

[GA] I Will Go With Aradia, And You With Sollux

[GA] Once They Meet, I Will Take You To See Rose

[GA] Does That Sound Good?

[EB] yeah perfect!

[EB] i’ll tell sollux now!

[EB] man he is going to be so pumped!

[EB] I’M so pumped!

[EB] thank you so much, kanaya!

[EB] see you tomorrow?

[GA] Yes That Sounds Good

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

 

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering twinArmageddon [TA]

[EB] guess what!

[EB] guess whaaaaaaaat?

[TA] 2eriiou2ly, agaiin wiith the eiight thiing?

[TA] what do you deem 2o iimportant that you feel the need two iinterupt me riight now whiile i’m workiing on 2omethiing?

[EB] the fact that aradia said that she really would like to see you tomorrow!

[TA] what?

[TA] okay, one, how diid you even fiind out about her.

[EB] karkat told me.

[EB] but i dont think that really matters now, right?

[EB] you’re so going to meet her.

[TA] and iif i 2ay no?

[EB] i will be forced to drag you out of your house with all my awesome power!

[EB] and i don’t think she will be too impressed when i have to tell her that.

[EB] and believe me, i will.

[EB] she’s going tomorrow reguardless, and i don’t think you want me alone with her, with all i know about you...

[TA] ok ok jee2!

[TA] youre wor2e than kk 2ometiime2!

[EB] ha ha well it works!

[EB] so i’ll pick you up tomorrow around nine, okay?

[TA] that2 fiine

[TA] later

[EB] see ya!

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering TwinArmageddon [TA]

* * *

You pick Sollux up the next morning and drive over to the park, which was the agreed meeting spot after a small texting session with Kanaya that morning. How the two of you managed to forget to pick a spot beforehand is beyond you, but things just happen. It’s not like you’re the most on the ball person you know 

Aradia is really pretty.

It’s in an almost exotic way, with how long and full her hair is and a mix with her eyes, which are a deep red, like maroon, and it makes her seem like a mystery. For some reason you’re expecting there to be a sort of lifelessness to them, but when she smiles at Sollux, the thought is gone just as soon as it came.

The first thing she does is hug him, and the first thing he does is apologize. The second thing she does is tell him that she forgives him, and the second thing he does is hug her back.

You notice another girl standing where Aradia just was, and you realize that must be Kanaya. She’s very...proper looking, and you can’t help but smile. She’s sort of exactly like you imagined, and she’s exactly like you pictured in your dreams.

Minus the horns and gray skin, of course. You might be a little weirded out if that were the case here.

So you walk up to her and shake hands, and she asks for you to escort her to your car, which you do. You wave goodbye to Sollux and Aradia, who smile at the two of you with their hands intertwined, and you can’t help but smile. Everything is coming together, all the puzzle pieces, everything.

Rose is missing, but you’ll fix that. Jade too, but you’ll get to that as well. Dave will have to sit due with his color-friend for a bit.

When you’re both in the car, Kanaya instructs you where to go and you wonder where you’re going, and why she didn’t just bring Rose around.

And then it makes sense because you turn into the parking lot that Kanaya has instructed you to, and your blood runs a little cold.

You’ve been lead to a hospital.

* * *

Rose Lalonde, 18, has been a coma since she crossed the rift encasing this world.

Kanaya tells you that when she was written into this world, she was confused. There was a mixture of memories from this world, and ones from the game, and that they were hard to tell apart. Unless you, who didn’t feel the effects as little more than a bad dream, since you came so late and the door was closing.

She asks what happened before Rose entered, since she wasn’t there.

You tell her about you falling back into the portal. You also tell her about Jack stabbing her just as you went in.

Kanaya sighs and nods, shaking her head as though she heard something displeasing. You just stare at Rose, unmoving and thin, and you want to cry. But you don’t. You just stare at her, wishing that things had gone so, so differently.

Kanaya starts speaking again, and she tells you that in the few moments that Rose came through, she messaged her through her PDA. They’d all kept their communicators, seeing as it had been on their person when they came over.

Kanaya shows you the message.

[TT] Kanaya.

[TT] I messed up.

[TT] It was broke.

[TT] I don’t know if I’m okay.

[TT] Tell him I’m sorry.

This time, you do cry.

* * *

_It was supposed to be perfect._

_You collected everyone’s dream selves throughout the dream bubbles, and made sure they were all together. Sollux found another universe, one that hadn’t been touched by SBURB/SGRUB. You’d flee there, and it would be like nothing ever happened._

_You were the friendleader. You were supposed to make sure that everyone got over all right._

_How did you fail so badly._

* * *

Dave comes to the hospital sometime later, with another girl that you recognize as Jade. The moment she sees you she leaps off of Dave and throws herself at you, hugging you with murmured apologies and wishes that things had gone differently.

You wish that too.

Dave stands by and just places a hand on your shoulder, and that tells you all that you need. That he’s sorry. That he wishes that he had stayed behind. That you got a happy ending as well.

Ha Ha. Right.

Everything started with a dull ache in your chest that wouldn’t go away. A feeling that something was missing, a sort of hollowness...

And now you’re left with the truth. You found what you had been looking for, but now instead of that wondering emptiness, you are weighted down by the truth.

The truth that you did not protect the one person that mattered the most to you. 


End file.
